Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Not me!



The Not Me's

Beware! Be on the look out for these evil little creatures!  They are sneaky, devious and very destructive. Kill immediately upon discovery.

Signs you have the Not Me's:

They leave underwear on the floor, socks stuck in the vacuum cleaner, love to blow things up in the microwave, jelly & crumbs on every kitchen counter, leave school bags by the front door, track dirt in, stuff soggy food in small appliances, the cat is painted and glittered on a seasonal basis. I've asked my children repeatedly about these things and apparently, they can't see them either. If you'd like to see more of my artwork, please visit StagiWorks.




Saturday, May 26, 2012

All pooped out....



Isn't she funny? I'd like to think when I'm this old and crochety, I'll still be stylin' with a cool purse. 



Thursday, May 24, 2012

Hootenanny


It's funny how one word will draw itself in my head.....you also see it at StagiWorks

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Oh Nurse! What the -



My sister Violet inspired this piece, it's one of favorites. I always pictured the extreme glee she must take in giving obnoxious children shots. Blithely ignorant of her blood-spattered smock, she gives them leeches or vile-smelling brew made with some rodent part as a cure for something as minor as a splinter.
I know for a fact her job is not this exciting, but I like to use my imagination.
Come see this work and others at our shop: StagiWorks

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Wedded Bliss



I was standing there in the little chapel, it was burning hot, my sunburn was killing me, the kids were quiet and my poor fiancĂ© is there next to me and we're trying hard not to laugh - the ministers' nose had a booger flying in and out as he spoke. My poor fiancĂ© was severely hung over, thanks to his friends, Gerry, Mo and Martin (love you fuckers!), samsonites hanging from under his eyes. I was thinking, "Holy shit he's actually doing it! He picked me!"
We went with a Hawaiian shirt theme because Ronnie wanted to get married in shorts.
His mother cried the whole time.
Then we were married, boogers and all.
The rest of the weekend went great, then the day we left, Ronnie was off with his buddies, I was with my evil little fiends. We were walking along the main drag, I stopped to look at a menu in front of some grand hotel that had a huge rock feature in the front. A woman walking behind me said, "What's that little boy doing?"
Oh shit.
I look and Marc (six at the time) was standing on the top of the rock feature, pants down, facing traffic, pissing on the water. More than a few people were giggling. I hauled him off there and explained the rules of urinating outside.
Our house may never be clean, the laundry never done and there's always some crazy boy funk. Glad you love it honey! Happy 4th anniversary honey!



Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Blow it out your spot


Spent a wonderful weekend with my kids, my mother as the husband went galavanting around with 
his man-friends in Vegas. I was so exhausted. My mom is hilarious and up for almost anything. I can only hope to be that fun when I get older. 
Of course there is some residual tiredness from dealing with the fiends for four days by myself. I woke up today just a little cranky and some teenager decided to give me attitude this morning. 
The older I get, the more I don't give a damn. I don't care that you didn't have clean clothes to wear, you are going to school! You do your own laundry for crying out loud! 
What? You want five bucks to go hang with your friends? Does it say ATM on my forehead?
Dinner? Are you serious?! 
Please lord, bless me with the patience to survive the teens!!! 

Monday, May 7, 2012

A couple of more twisted nursery rhymes....

Goldilocks and the Three Hairs

She should have chosen truth,
instead of dare.
Now all she has left
is three hairs.


Lesson: Don't play with matches.



Mary had a little Sam
Only his face would show
Everywhere Mary went,
her twin was sure to go.

This one I couldn't get the image out of my head. I'm glad I did. Now you can have it.