Like Sailors....

Besides sarcasm, our family is first in line to perfect the art of cussing. I can remember uttering the word 'fuck' for the first time. After that initial shock of, 'Whoa, Mom didn't hear that!' I proceded to try them all and learned a few new ones at the school yard. The level of profanity on the school yard was only excelled by the level of depraved stories we told each other before we called, "Bullshit!" Ah, Catholic school....

Anyway, I was reminded of this skill when my son, Pottymouth, declared that his chores sucked ass. I agreed, chores do suck but we do them or else we'd be on a guest episode of Hoarders and I really don't have time for that. We giggled when (yeah,yeah, bad mommy) he said 'ass' but that kid has a gift for putting in the right sentence and making it funny. It's probably not the best thing to teach him, but I've done just about everything in my power short of sewing his mouth shut to get him to stop. Currently, my plan is to get him to use it in the right moment. If nothing else, he won't sound like a total moron and maybe he'll be on Comedy Central someday.

I remember not too long ago when my two oldest were 7 and 4, riding bikes outside my sisters' house one fine family Thanksgiving. They were screaming, laughing and having a great old time, when I actually stopped to listen to what they were yelling.

"Cocksucker! Cocksucker!"

I ran out there, asked them to stop, that word is not polite and, more importantly, where did you learn it?

Their innocent voices answered. "Grandma."

They still think this is funny. They love hanging out with Grandma - she curses up a storm and the children find this hysterical.

Now, my niece Gianna, when she was three was hanging with me because my sister had some stuff to do and it was nice to have some girl power in the house. The kids were all hanging out in their room and Pottymouth came out with a half of a Christmas ornament and a smirk.

"I told Gianna not to eat the ornament and that I was gonna tell on her. She called me a douchebag."

I panicked, pulled the rest of the glass ornament from her mouth, however most of it was on the carpet.

She discovered it wasn't that tasty, but the glitter made her lips look pretty.

Douchbag was the favorite word at that time. And after that episode we decided to refrain from using it because when Gianna starts kindergarten we didn't want her calling her classmates that. We'd at least wait until she could spell it first.