And the sewing machine flies out the back door.....

Taking a break from the Nursery Rhymes to fill you all in on what's been going on in Creepymama's dungeon. It's fall  - the kids are back in school, football is in full swing and my brush is flying across paper.
My sister and I finally sold some embrodiary patterns on our site, Project Stockpile - yahoo!!!
While we are working on our lovely venture, I've taken the task of learning how to sew. I'm aiming to bring my creepy little characters to life for some lovely fiend, I mean, child, to sneeze/hold/slobber on. As soon as I finish them, I will let you guys know.
I've discovered the fun of having a new toy/tools to work with. However, given my history with small appliances, I've hit a snag with the ancient sewing machine my sister is kindly letting me use. The other night, the thread kept jamming underneath, strands of thread everywhere, my fabric crumbled, kids giggling at me cursing- then a brief thought - wondering how hard it would be to toss this beast right out the back door?
Now, I come across this trait genetically. I was five, sitting on the back steps of our house when I heard my mother, "Motherf%^er!!!!!"
And our silver toaster flies over my head, landing ten feet from me.
This is the same woman who cried when her 20-year old vacuum cleaner died with a gasp in our living room. It was one of those many tentacled monstrosities of shiney tubes and puke green outer shell. I was never so glad to see something go in my life. As my sister and I can attest - that thing was a pain in the ass to vacuum with. The tubes always fell apart, emptying the bag was like giving the damn thing a transplant - it had to be put on just so or it would not work.
I gave up with the sewing machine and Olivia, my sister came over and fixed it last night so I could continue on my doll-making quest. I'm hoping this evening I can finish my doll - hope you guys like it when I'm done...
Have a creepy day!

You can also visit my art work at my site, M.Stagi's Creepy Family - there is 20% off if you place your order before the 31st!

Baby Beefy and other creepy things....

My youngest is sixteen months old and like all toddlers enjoys eating cat food, playing with all my cooking utensils and playing poltergiest. Yes, I said poltergiest. He goes into his brother's rooms and turns on their tv's - pressing all the buttons and laughing his butt off at the snowy screen. I imagine a conversation....
TV ghosts: Hello little one!
Beefy: Whut  up!
TV ghosts: He's touching the screen - grab him!
Beefy: Do you have food?
TV ghosts: AH!!! I threw my back out! He's too heavy, where's that skinny kid?
Beefy settles for licking the screen then walking away.

A-Z about me!!!

A-Z about me!!!

A. Age: 37 skidding towards 40!

B. Bed size: Cal king - gotta make sure Beefy is comfortable. 

C. Chore that you hate: I make the kids do them.

D. Dogs: Do boys count? 

E. Essential start to your day: coffee!!!! 

F. Favorite color: green 

G. Gold or Silver: gold

H. Height: 5′ 3 3/4 - as my son loves to tower over me and point out

I. Instruments you play: none, i suck

J. Job title: a/r, artist, mama 

K. Kids: 4 lovely well-behaved fiendlings...HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA

L. Live: Newman, Ca.

M. Mother’s name: Susan

N. Nicknames: Dudemom, mama, loverface. 

O. Overnight hospital stays: all my kids

P. Pet peeves: Complaining and no coffee in the morning. 

Q. Quote from a movie: I like smiling, smiling's my favorite.

R. Right or left handed: left handed

S. Siblings: Olivia, Violet and Marcus. 

T. Time you wake up: 5:00

U. Underwear: yes! 

V. Vegetable you hate: like most of them, I'm sure there is one that doesn't like me. 

W. What makes you run late: my husband - I have to lie and tell him a half-hour early or we'd never make anywhere on time. 

X. X-Rays you’ve had: my ankle and my chest 

Y. Yummy food that you make: Enchiladas, spaghetti, beef stew, chicken n' olives....

Z. Zoo animal: Elephants

If you take part in this survey leave a comment so I can check it out!

Whoa! Don't trip!

Okay, so we didn't epically fail at our craft fair but we learned a lot of things. I was disappointed at first, but my sister and I did decide to do this at the last minute. I did sell one painting and got a commission for another involving mummies. We are wanting our stuff to be more mainstream and we got a lot of looks at our crafts. Most importantly we got feedback on what people like and then we discussed what would do well.
I've been inspired to venture into a new area for me - dolls. I am infatuated with a few I've been looking at these past few days and will have to experiment to come up with my style of doll. I did come across some creepy shit while coming up for that perfect idea. My god what the hell are people thinking? Okay, I know what they're thinking, I love creepy stuff to, but man, the ones I saw look like nightmares. I just hope our first steps into this area doesn't trip us and we end up skidding on face first.

On another note, so excited for Larry! The book is doing well - I've been getting a lot of good feedback. I even found out that a teacher was using it for her class! Amazing! If you'd like your free copy of Larry Jones and His Lying Bones, go to this link :  Larry Jones and His Lying Bones

Epic Fail - Time Crunch!

"MOM I'M HUNGRY!!!!"

Do I ignore that or feed the kids? What to do, what to do?

As I paint, I think, where is the duct tape? No, I can't do that! I get up and make dinner. By the time I sat down back at my desk I'm too tired from all the boy drama, chores and running around to do a painting justice. But the Surly Sue in color - she turned out just like I imagined her. However, I'm cringing with fear at how we'll do at the craft fair this weekend. This is the first time I've done anything like this. I was looking through my work, deciding which ones I'm going to put out and realized how far I've come artistically the past 5 years. I have to say this one I'm very proud of this one. I had six more I wanted to paint but I simply did not have time. As an artist and mama, I find it hard to do both. Time seems to escape me more and more, but I'm having waves of paintings scramble through my head and not enough time to paint them. I want to do a good job and get those ideas on paper but where do I steal the time from? I don't want to epically fail at the craft show and I don't want to fail at being a mama either - AHHHH!!!

The time crunch is upon me! Do any of you artist/writers have that problem too? How do you handle it?

The Surly Sue

I’m glad it wasn’t only my kids yesterday that were acting like lunatics. They were close to be shipped to outer Mongolia for taking away Marc’s seashell/treasure map thing (don’t ask) instead of being ready for school. I go to my sisters’ house and it’s the same there - but it’s a fight over hair accessories. I was glad they had to go to school and quit driving everyone crazy. Then I get to work and my boss is coming to the realization her baby girl is going away to college. I admit - that took the wind out of my sails for a moment. I know my sister will be experiencing the same thing next year which I cannot even imagine. I’ve got some time to go - about five years, but to go off and have a life? WHAT? You spend all that time preparing your very own human being to be a functioning member of society and poof! They sail away to their very own life! hm….

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Gothedy Ann

Don't you love when good ideas spring up and smack you? I know I do. My crafty partner in crime, Olivia Jones of ProjectStockpile and I were talking about how our Grandma used to make those Raggedy Anns and how cool it would be to make some, blah, blah, blah. At the same time we were checking out these creepy little dolls other folks have made and inspiration struck. I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she suggested putting a piercing on her nose! Hmm..never considered that before....However, there are some other things that we have brewing...keep an eye out and visit us often!

Multi-taskin' Mamas....

Work, football, lists, crafts, dinner, dishes, laundry - I feel like a crazy person lately. However, I did find time to interview, Olivia jones, owner of Project Random, at the football game we attended last Saturday.

Tell us a little about yourself.

I totally need a haircut - GOGOGO CYRUS! 

Um, a little more please. 

I'm a stay-at home mom - we have 9 kids - 

Good lord! Do you drink?

Not as much as you'd think....

What trends do you see coming up?

I see a lot of ugly and I do mean ugly stuff, like from the 80's being sold  a lot. I think people remember that time fondly and want something to see everyday to remind them of that feeling.  ( I can attest to the heinousness of the 80's - don't shoot the coffee out your nose but I had stretch pants and aquanet).

What makes you pick what you pick for your store? 

I pick things that speak to me - stuff I'd like to see in my house or a time period I'd like to experience.

What's your least/most favorite about your store?

I love looking for loot at yard sales - the least favorite would have to be coming up with words to describe everything...

Might I suggest a dictionary? I also understand your nephew has some colorful words you could use to spice things up. 

Very funny.

There you have it folks! Go visit ProjectRandom.etsy.com and this month they are having a fire sale! If you'd like an interview, please contact me - I guarantee you won't be bored. 

What? A Stalker?!?

My sister and I were plotting our crafty ways at football practice when she said,

"I think Molly thinks I'm a stalker. You know, that lady I follow for sewing stuff."

"No way."

"Totally. She probably thinks I'm a psycho. I would totally want to meet her instead of, like, Mel Gibson."

"He'd punch you in the face."

"I started writing her an email about how I'm NOT a crazy person and realized what I was doing...."

"You sounded fucking nuts! Hahahahahaa!!!"

"And not Mel Gibson, I don't know why I said that."

Larry Jones and his Lying Bones

Click on this link and you'll get Larry Jones and his Lying Bones!

Give it away, print it out for the kids, let them color it in! We fully support you giving this book away! Please spread the word far and wide!

Teachers, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins! Everyone will love Larry.

Thank you!

M.

click on this for your free e-book. 

http://freepdfhosting.com/f7eab6829a.pdf

This I sent to Under the Juniper Tree....

Seems prices for the tooth fairy are dropping. Isn't anyone concerned with what she's doing with them?

'Shrooms, man...

Mushrooms on the brain….drawing patterns, paintings - such a cool fungus!
Got me thinking of other strange and wonderful creepy creations - is there something you’d like to see?
You can leave a comment or come visit our newest patterns at our shop. Click on the pic and see!

Win it!!!

72 HOUR GIVEAWAY! FIRST KISS - Get this lovely piece of nutty illustration for you or the one you love and so simple to do! Send everyone you can to this link - the most folks who leave a comment at this blog with your name included in the comment (so I can count!) will win! Get sending lovelies! Enjoy!
Yours Truly,
Creepymama

Dollypops and other devious thoughts...

"Where do you come up with this stuff?"
I get this all the time, usually followed by:
"What is wrong with you?"
Along with the family gift of sarcasm, I listen a lot. Yeah, it looks like I'm just staring off into space or that I'm not paying that much attention - it's not that. I swear - you should see the shit that goes on in my head. My current and ex-fellow co-workers would agree that I crack them up - however, at times, I have to put a leash on it. I'm constantly thinking - wouldn't it be funnier if....or what if it looked like....
Then I stroll over the line - and you can hear my evil giggle in the background as I plot what is going to happen to a cartoon I've created or whatnot. Given my childhood diet of Mad magazine, Stephen King and Bloom County(they were a cartoon in the newspapers- you 'member huh?) - I think will make you cringe or at the very least piss your pants laughing.
That is why I cannot wait until you guys read my book. I've been writing steadily, scribbling cartoons - I've chosen a few to send the rough draft to. Question to my readers tho: zombielover - boiled or fried?

Nosepickin' and other hobbies...

This is a drawing and the sewed  up product my sister Olivia did. I am not a sewer by any means. I don't have the patience for it. But I do appreciate the time and skill it does take - as long as I don't have to do it. :)
We decided that we wanted to work together - I would draw the patterns, she would sew them and sell them. Our cosmic yard sale excursion brought us to this point we are at right now.
We have a million ideas and we've been working hard on getting it together - but I wondered - what do you guys want to see? Are there things you'd like to sew on your kids backpack? Your recycle bags? Drop us a comment or leave a rant on all things sewing unfair! You can email us at
projectstockpile@yahoo.com  or click on the picture visit us at etsy.

Strange new things are afoot....

My sister and I love doing stuff together - especially if its crafty. Our different interests in this area seemed completely unrelated until one yard sale, fate and a conversation brought all of it together. Click on the link to see what we have so far - however we will have a lovely surprise in a short while to show you! Check it out...

Thanks everyone!

Pets - Those poor salamanders...

http://creepymama.deviantart.com/#/d3lnulh

Salamander    

Poor salamanders didn’t think they’d be hostages.  There they were, happy little reptiles in grandma’s yard, doing salamandery things like eating bugs and talking about dirt until my fiends dug them up.

“Hey, Mike, the dirt is totally righteous today!”

“Totally dude – WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”   

Couple of hours later – they find themselves in jar on my kitchen counter abandoned by those same fiends. My niece happened to be over and promptly kidnapped them because she felt sorry for them. I felt sorry for them too – but I wasn’t going out of my way to find them a home and something to eat, I mean, ew….

I know this cartoon has seeming nothing to do with salamanders but I thought, there are more dog people than salamander people and it'll look great on a card. Visit this card at deviantart.com - just click on the picture.

First Kiss

Is it sloppy or does he have bad breath? I can't remember when I last checked my breath when I kissed my husband. With a toddler, it's mostly, *SMACK* "Bye honey! Gotta go!"

I can't even find my gum half the time because some errant teenager, that has the time to worry about his breath, steals my gum. If you'd like to have this wonderfully creepy cartoon on a card, please click on the picture and visit my site!

I did this piece shortly after 9/11. Happy Fourth.

Bloodthirsty Boys

My boys are creative little creatures - okay, not creative, but bloodthirsty. They find new and inventive ways to smash, crush, kick or trap bugs and small rodents. So steadfast in their cause, they decided to kill a black widow spider perched in the bathroom window - with a BB gun. I didn't say they were geniuses, just bloodthirsty.

Snatchmonster

Some days, I love being a chick. I am one of three in my house, the other two being feline. Living a boy house, much of my time is spent referring, cooking and disaster preparedness in the form duct tape and super glue. Usually I handle the chaos in good nature, but then my monthly gift arrives and the surly persona that resurrects itself is the Snatchmonster.

I feel like a hormonal nutjob riding an emotional rollercoaster while dealing with aching boobs, headaches and a seemingly unending craving for chocolate and anything deep-fried. My raving snatchitude usually reaches its peak when I arrive home from work. Four boys and an equally tired husband all bombard me with questions.

“What’s for dinner mom?”

“Can we have pizza?”

“Can I have a dollar? And a ride to-“

“YOU WANT WHAT?” I say through clenched teeth, seething in hormonal nuttiness. I’m starving, tired and I desperately need chocolate, followed by a bottle of wine.

“Honey – oh, shit, run kids!”

“What about the baby?”

“Leave him! He’s cute, he’ll survive.”

While the husband and kids scurry in fear and the baby is howling “What the hell is wrong with food lady?” He can’t say that, but that’s what the howl means. I forage through my freezer for sweet chocolate relief only to find that my teenager, I mean locust, has devoured it all. Emergency stash.

I check behind the liquor above the fridge. Dammit.

I gather my frightened fiendling and motor off to the store. I am on a MISSION!

Baby Fiend is now happy – he sees all the food which means at some point, he will be fed. I get my supplies and go back home. I down a glass of wine while I cook – the snatchiness is subsiding a little and although I still feel like a bloated meatball on a pms crusade, I know that there is chocolate waiting for me after dinner.

If you'd like to purchase the cartoon to this blog post, please visit my deviant page by clicking the link above. www.creepymama.deviantart.com

Sexy Elastic

The horror that is bikini season is upon us. I save the public’s vision by not participating since I’ve had four kids trample through my stretched out body and instead wanted to know more about my fat. We’re frenemies after all!

The human fat cell is basically like the Force, there are a dark side and good side. They’re vital to your health by transporting oxygen to every part of your body. They are also the chemically active part of your cell membranes – so without them, nothing works. They are capable of keeping good fat and bad fat. I stopped when I read this part – you mean my fat is communicating with other fat cells? Or talking to my stomach?  So they can turn on me and keep the bad fat letting my butt become a small continent or my arms becoming all, well, flappy? What, do they like, tweet or something?

Thighfatcell34: “Stomach! Tell her to eat it! It’s fat! That donut is HUGE!”

Buttcell788: “SEND THE FAT THIS WAY!!”

BackfatSally3: “Did you see her scarf that down?!?”

Stomach071: “Well get the whole dozen, Darkside!”

Buttcell55: “WE GET IT ALL! Cellulite ready!”

BackfatSally3: “Not unless we get it first! We have rolls to fill!”

Then, Battle-Ass Gigantica starts – cells doing battle over where the fat will go – hanging stomach or extra chin? What those cells don’t realize is that the bad fat is sneaky – it’s unrecognizable to them as the dark side. Cells are incapable of dealing with them once they are there and replace the good fats. The dark side ensues and suddenly you look in the mirror one day and realize you did inherit, gasp, your mother’s sinking buttocks!

BackFat6: “Keep fighting!!! The butt will not win!”

Midtire92: “We’re swooping in Backfat!!! Back off or we will fire!”

BackFat6: “Fire what stupid? We’re fat cells, not warriors.”

ThighCell54: “AHHH!!! Bad fat! I’m hit!”

Buttcell55: “Buttcell down! Buttcell down! Transfat taking over….”

Buttcell83: “55? 55? Where are you? Trans/sat fat targeted! Oh man, it’s taking over!”

Yoda#1: “Tran/saturated fat is the path to the Dark side. Fats lead to big pants. Big pants lead to fashion disaster. Fashion disaster leads to suffering in sexy elastic. May the bad fat not be with you.”

Thighcell43: “Who the f*&K was that?”  

Wish

Spent the day thinking about wishes. I wish on stars, wishbones and when I turn the hook of my necklace back to behind my neck. I wish my cup of coffee would be poured and on the counter ready when I get up - not having to justify that my cup of coffee is icky to my toddler while I convince him that his water is the best sh*t ever. I wish my ass was smaller and not the size of a small foreign car and that I didn't have to squeeze into jeans a size too small. I wish I could slap Sarah Palin. She's on tour right? It could happen. I wish I could slap that Weiner guy for wasting my time and everyone else's having to think about his penis.
I wish I didn't have to be painfully aware of my muffin top when I pull my keyboard out at work. I wish I could explain exactly why to my kids why life isn't fair. I wish I had more time in the day to write and paint. I wish that my family's clothes would automatically wash, dry and fold themselves. I wish I could get a date with my husband more often. I wish I could go back to when I was seven and it was my sister's and my birthdays - I don't remember what I wished for, but I wouldn't wish anything any other way.