Ah, it's that time of year when I get to make up silly things for the holidays and scribble my insane thoughts for you to enjoy sending to your loved ones. Between bouts of the baby's icky illness and my real life, this is one of the cards I did for the holidays. I have more coming up, but for whatever reason, my brain was stuck on Christmas first - so I did those. I fixed up a couple of Halloween cards, which my sister and I will put on our site soon.
I feel like I've been battling the ideas in my head..I've been working on a story I hope you will enjoy, I am taking my time to make sure I do it right. It just takes so long...but it will be worth it! However, nefarious little pictures pop up in the middle of my doing this and I end up doing three pictures at one time. Someone brought up an idea - she wants to order a series of my reprints, about 16 of them in postcard size. Would you guys order something like this?

If you'd like to see more of Creepymama's artwork, please visit her and her sister, Olivia the Dollmaker at :
StagiWorks

What the blog???

Geez, so many people get offended when you drop the f-bomb a few times in a blog. But isn't a blog by definition, an online journal and not just the money-making, job getting, freebie giving away thing it's become now? I am not the best writer, I know that for a fact. But I like to make people laugh and I was feeling a little anti-appliance and wrote the blog. I was trying to turn lemons into a lemonade martini. Because that's the way I was feeling. I won't apologize for it.
And like anything else, if you don't like what's on tv, radio, etc - don't watch, listen or read it. Too fucking bad if you don't like it. What I found really interesting was that my stats went WAY up on that blog. It almost took away the sting of what those two bone-heads wrote in to me. I'm not going to say or quote those two because I'm not going to give them an audience here. However, I feel I should point a few things just so we are clear -

1. Just because I use the word, 'fuck' or 'goddamn' doesn't make me an idiot or a writer who can't write. Never said I was a good/great writer. This is an online journal and I'm using it so you get to know me and my art. The most I hope for is that I spell shit correctly.

2. I like to make it a little interesting. I get tired of those boring blogs that are sanitized for human consumption. Who the hell cares?

3. I used the PMS angle because I am a woman and this is funny to me. If we can get something funny out of our periods besides cramps and tampons, I'm all for it. It's not vulgar (if it is to you, please read line 6)The next time you have a uterus, gentlemen, feel free to comment.


If you'd like to see more of Creepymama's artwork, please visit her and her sister, Olivia the Dollmaker at :
StagiWorks

Sexy Beast

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If not, have more beer. Or some such bullshit my mother told me.

This week has been at a loss with all my appliances issues - I'm finally going to get chance to start all this tonight..I'll be working these next two weeks on the idea of beauty and how I can twist it to fit my creepy little paintings. I've been working on this one painting of mine - doing the research and this little lady popped in my head. She's not the main focus by any means, but it got me thinking of all the things we women do to be beautiful. 

Now, do witches add warts? Do Ogresses apply Eau De Stink? Do Vampires get their teeth sharpened?  

Do you go in to get your creepy weave tangled?  If you'd like to see more of Creepymama's artwork, please visit her and her sister, Olivia the Dollmaker at :

StagiWorks

Where's the potty?!?

The time-honored rite of parenthood know as potty-training is upon us! I am heading towards potty-training my last child, it's been years, but teaching a little human how to use the facilities is no small feat. Beefy hasn't been too interested in going himself, but he seems to be investigating how my husband pees, how I pee, how his brothers pee, how to flush the toilet and even better, what can I flush down the toilet? He's even telling us when he's done the dirty deed, "POOP!!!!!" 

But has no interest in actually sitting on the can, that might take some time out from stealing crayons from Marc's craft desk. However, my sister is starting to teach my nephew the glories of the john and I just giggle, because this is her first round. I've been through three kids, the first is always the hardest. My oldest took awhile, but my second found the pee-glee of pissing on the tree in the backyard. It wasn't until I found a massive poop in the backyard (we had no dog) that I had to reign him in and explain the poop rules. The following is the text messages we've been having about it:

Violet: Potty training: 2 accidents so far, I think by the end of this the whole house will smell like pee.

Me: Rocky and E-man can compete to mark territory.

Violet: HAHAHA

Violet: Potty Training lesson I learned today: Take to potty right after dinner. Big poop and pee in his pants. I feel like a dummy for not thinking of this.

Me: Rookie! hahahahaa

Violet: LOL! I just spent 5 minutes pouring water on his wiener to get him to pee in the toilet. This is my life. 

Me: Please lock this message so u can remember it fondly. 

Violet: I will 

Me: The one thing I hated was when you had to cut them off of juice by a certain time of night. They always acted like they just got back from the Sahara.

Violet: LMAO!!! 

Me: Or the innocent face when you ask them, and they clearly smell like shit, "Did you wipe?" 

Not me!

The Not Me's

Beware! Be on the look out for these evil little creatures!  They are sneaky, devious and very destructive. Kill immediately upon discovery.

Signs you have the Not Me's:

They leave underwear on the floor, socks stuck in the vacuum cleaner, love to blow things up in the microwave, jelly & crumbs on every kitchen counter, leave school bags by the front door, track dirt in, stuff soggy food in small appliances, the cat is painted and glittered on a seasonal basis. I've asked my children repeatedly about these things and apparently, they can't see them either. If you'd like to see more of my artwork, please visit StagiWorks.

Oh Nurse! What the -

My sister Violet inspired this piece, it's one of favorites. I always pictured the extreme glee she must take in giving obnoxious children shots. Blithely ignorant of her blood-spattered smock, she gives them leeches or vile-smelling brew made with some rodent part as a cure for something as minor as a splinter.

I know for a fact her job is not this exciting, but I like to use my imagination.

Come see this work and others at our shop: StagiWorks

King of Changovia

My husband thinks he's the king. He refers to our house as Changovia (his nickname is Chango) and I am his queen. The three older boys are the Jesters and the Prince of Changovia is two. The kingdom was quiet and somewhat serene, as much as it could be with so many jesters and their cohorts trampling through the castle, when the universe came along and said,
 "Fuck it, you're IT!"
Several things are happening at a rapid pace - the prince is starting to realize his evil toddler power with the word "MINE!" It he can reach it, grab it, eat it or break it, it's his!!!!
MWUAHAHAHAA....
The head jester, Type A is worried about graduating 8th grade - "OMG Mom, I have all A's and one D!!! Will they let me graduate?"
I roll my royal eyes. "Don't sweat it. You're fine."
My dainty 8 year old jester is just concerned about what outfit he will wear for the day and who gives a damn about division? "Does this make me look fat?"
"No, it's fine." His day-glow yellow shoes make me cringe, but he loves them.
Pottymouth is a hot royal mess right now. The universe went and started puberty (wtf! I wasn't ready!), therefore the King and Queen of Changovia are having to do the royal smack down more often than usual. Then this ugly, ugly little wart of problem popped up.
My ex-husband.
If I had a dragon, I'd totally sick it on this moron. The bottom line is he's not involved. Occassionally during his criminal enterprises he remembers he has kids and calls them. There are several layers of suckitude about the situation and for the most part, Pottymouth is the one affected the most emotionally by it all. We nurse him through his down times and let him know we love him. Puberty is not helping - but we are all sucking it up and dealing.
The King of Changovia and I decided to deal with the situation the best we know how and are moving forward in that direction for the best interests of the kids. I am astounded and grateful the King of Changovia just accepts the Jesters as his own and has no qualms about hugging them and telling them, "Hell no you can't have Rock Star at 9pm! It's a school night."

The Sign

I look for signs to keep me on my path because sometimes I tend to get a little crazy with some ideas. This is the downfall sometimes with a creative mind. I've been contemplating this little love story, wondering if it's worth doing. I have a notebook filled with names, stories, ideas, sketches, etc. While this is going on, I agreed to throw a little love at our entrepid editor at Under The Juniper Tree because she's the goddamn bomb for putting all our horrific skills to the test monthly when I realized, I really didn't know much about her.
However, the universe provided in the form of of mutual disgust for Lori from the Walking Dead.

This is my love to Bree who makes us all look good and doesn't mind slicing someone's head off. Bree said she loved it! I love when people love my stuff - all artists love it!
During my contemplation of what to paint for Bree, inspiration smacked me again. Was it worth doing? And I think, if I don't travel down this road, I won't learn anything. Just paint it! It'll be fun!  So while my evil co-worker at my 9 to 5 job, Ray and I were laughing over some wicked work by Gris Grimly - the Grimified Popeye - and I couldn't get this out of my mind. Emo Olive Oil.

Gris is my favorite artist, hands down. I posted this on his FB, and got two comments from him today. I can only hope to be as good someday. So I'm dancing around the living room like a crazy person - Beefy is laughing and dancing with me (he doesn't care, Mom is happy!) while my husband is looking at me because he knows and is suffering right along with me artistically. I am over the moon.
I think it was the sign - the little love story in my head might be worth doing....

Dollypops and other devious thoughts...

"Where do you come up with this stuff?"
I get this all the time, usually followed by:
"What is wrong with you?"
Along with the family gift of sarcasm, I listen a lot. Yeah, it looks like I'm just staring off into space or that I'm not paying that much attention - it's not that. I swear - you should see the shit that goes on in my head. My current and ex-fellow co-workers would agree that I crack them up - however, at times, I have to put a leash on it. I'm constantly thinking - wouldn't it be funnier if....or what if it looked like....
Then I stroll over the line - and you can hear my evil giggle in the background as I plot what is going to happen to a cartoon I've created or whatnot. Given my childhood diet of Mad magazine, Stephen King and Bloom County(they were a cartoon in the newspapers- you 'member huh?) - I think will make you cringe or at the very least piss your pants laughing.
That is why I cannot wait until you guys read my book. I've been writing steadily, scribbling cartoons - I've chosen a few to send the rough draft to. Question to my readers tho: zombielover - boiled or fried?