The Sign

I look for signs to keep me on my path because sometimes I tend to get a little crazy with some ideas. This is the downfall sometimes with a creative mind. I've been contemplating this little love story, wondering if it's worth doing. I have a notebook filled with names, stories, ideas, sketches, etc. While this is going on, I agreed to throw a little love at our entrepid editor at Under The Juniper Tree because she's the goddamn bomb for putting all our horrific skills to the test monthly when I realized, I really didn't know much about her.
However, the universe provided in the form of of mutual disgust for Lori from the Walking Dead.

This is my love to Bree who makes us all look good and doesn't mind slicing someone's head off. Bree said she loved it! I love when people love my stuff - all artists love it!
During my contemplation of what to paint for Bree, inspiration smacked me again. Was it worth doing? And I think, if I don't travel down this road, I won't learn anything. Just paint it! It'll be fun!  So while my evil co-worker at my 9 to 5 job, Ray and I were laughing over some wicked work by Gris Grimly - the Grimified Popeye - and I couldn't get this out of my mind. Emo Olive Oil.

Gris is my favorite artist, hands down. I posted this on his FB, and got two comments from him today. I can only hope to be as good someday. So I'm dancing around the living room like a crazy person - Beefy is laughing and dancing with me (he doesn't care, Mom is happy!) while my husband is looking at me because he knows and is suffering right along with me artistically. I am over the moon.
I think it was the sign - the little love story in my head might be worth doing....

Car Shopping....

Here's one I did years ago - love it to this day. Click to visit the site for a copy.

On the clock bitches!

Time sucks for me as an artist. I work a full time job, I am a wife, I have four kids and I am an artist. I have very little time to actually paint. My work surface is covered in sketch after sketch of the cartoons I have in my head. Realistically, I only get to be creative an hour a weeknight (depending on homework, chores or some kid-related drama) and a good four hour block on the weekends. If I really push myself I can knock out two paintings a week. So, I did this piece for Under the Juniper Tree and discovered one thing.
It sucked balls.
I had an idea pop in my head and thought, yep, that'll work. I focused on one thing about the story I was illustrating and went with it. I struggled with damn thing for week, finishing it on the due date and realizing, it was crap. There was no way I could email this to my editor, she'd laugh then wipe her behind with it. After all that work, I scrapped it. I sat down, read the story again and found a new angle - bam! Two or three hours later, I had finished this:

I love it. I emailed it a day late, but it was much better than the first. It was totally worth it. I was racing the clock, but I thought, the editor would rather have a nice piece late than a piece of shit on time. Yes, it took more time and I could've just let it go, but I'm glad I didn't. This is a creative expression and that sometimes will take you longer than you think. I look forward to your thoughts on the picture...hope you love it as much as I do.

It is available at Stagi Works, just click on the picture and it will take you straight there...

Bunny Love...

Now, my sister Olivia is a dollmaker. She loves picking out fabric, buttons and patterns to create something a child will love.  She's carried around fabric for over ten years knowing someday she'd have a need for it. I tried doll making and I have to say I love painting more and scaring the crap out of children. However, it taught me the skill and gave some new creative insights into my own work. It also got me thinking: what is the day of a doll like? Especially a doll made in my sister's workshop? Keep in mind, she has 9 kids, an Asian Mastiff named Hazel and for whatever crazy reason, a newly adopted puppy named Eleanor who is too round to try to lick her own behind. So, I imagine this is what this bunny is thinking.

A Day in the Life of Olivia's Bunny...(starring Ellen Degeneres' voice - because all my characters are celebrities in my head!)

Wow, this place is cold! Bunny thought. Hm....where is the lady? I need a blanket or something...

Oh, there she is. Hey, lady -

"GIANNA, I DON'T CARE IF DOESN'T MATCH YOUR OUTFIT! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A SICK KID - GOGOGOGGO!!!" The workshop/garage door closes with a bang...

"Now where is that thingamajigger.."

Um, lady? Can you spare a - OMG...it's that kid with the tail...nononoo! Let me go!

"HAZEL! Put that down, you silly girl!"

Ouch, that was my tail..ew...what is that on my ear? Look lady, you really gotta do something about that drooling kid with the tail. She keeps staring at me and my friends at night and I have to say it's getting a little creepy, you know what I mean?

"I'm gonna have to wash you...okay..HEY! Cyrus! Did you brush your teeth? No green rotting teeth in this house! Go - we are outta here in five minutes."

Bunny was carried through the morning chaos to the laundry room where she was plopped on a basket.

Geez, it stinks in here...what is that? Good lord...

Psycho music starts - Gianna is at the door - light shining behind her. "Your are so CUTE! Hm..." Gianna picks the Bunny up and scrams out there straight to her backpack.

AAAA!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!? I've seen what she does to Barbie! NO! I don't want goth eyes! Lady!Lady! She's hiding a sharpie! I SAW IT WITH MY OWN BUTTONS!

"Everyone, let's go! Time for school!"

"Mom, where's the toothpicks for your belly button?"

"Gianna, we gotta go. We'll do belly lint later. Mary, hustle! Cyrus, for the love of God, where are your pants?"

"Oh, yeah."

Lady, can you hear me? I'm in the backpack, my ear is still wet and it smells weird in here. The crayons at the bottom of the this thing are sceaming at me not leave them on the sidewalk...what the hell is that about? Hello! Hello? Lady?

Bunny felt like she was moving - but she was in the dark and very nervous. She starting humming to keep herself busy. For awhile, she fell asleep in the cramped backpack and was then startled awake by the sound of a zipper and light.

"You are so cute! I'm gonna feed you lunch, okay?" Gianna smooshed a bit of tuna sandwich near Bunny's mouth. Oh no, this is gonna be messy. I don't even eat real food. Why does the kid think I need to eat? Whoa - ew! I'm gonna smell like that all day? Kid, I'm a doll. Your aren't supposed to really feed me, just pretend okay? Can you get a wipey or something? Bacterial wipes? I'm feeling a little grungy here....I'm not entirely sure this place is sanitized, ok? Has the lady washed your backpack lately?

The crayons were screaming at the sight of Gianna and then the zipper closed.

Shut up! Why are you making all that noise? She doesn't even know you're down there. What is going on here?

She said she was going to leave us on the sidewalk to melt. We're not made for that! WHAAAA!!!

Why would she do that?

She took us from some other kid, who is a FABULOUS artist by the way, we got the front of the fridge door-

Stop, stop. How long have you been here?

Six months.

Um, I think you're safe.

It was all quiet until a bell rang and children's voices rose, Bunny felt the backpack being picked up and bounced around. Gianna opened it and shoved papers in, not all way, so the it stayed open and Bunny could see out of it.

I have a chance! The lady is gonna see me!

"Gianna! Is that your bunny? She's so cute!"

Bunny was grabbed and then inspected by a group of stick hands. No! Stop touching me! My fabric is all sticky now. Ow! Those are my ears! Don't rip my fabric. Lady, where's the lady? Lady! Oh, God, leave the tail alone! That is not COOL.

"Gianna!" The lady was here! Her voice sounded like she did when she yelled at the ugly kid when it pooped on the floor. "You are in big trouble."

I am so glad you found me! I am filthy! Hey, look, can you help me out? I think a nice bath with bubbles and maybe a nice massage after? I've been though hell today, you have no idea. It was hot and smelly and the crayon guys wouldn't shut up. They are definitely annoying, but I think if you give them to that kid you call Anna, she'll take care of them. And all those kids touching me...it was, well, let's just say, I'm good, no little rabbits for me. I don't really know how you stay sane.

Wait, where are you taking me? Why are we in the laundry room? What is this - oh, hi guys! Where did the lights go? Whoa, we're spinning, why are we spin-AHHHAHAHHH I'M GONNA THROW  UP!!!!

Bunny was spun around then she was tossed into another spinny thing and fluffed dry.

Finally, her little head stopped spinning as she was set down on a shelf in the garage.

Lady, I am so glad to be here. I love kids, but I don't think I want to be held by one ever again-

"There you go, all clean. Don't worry, tomorrow I'm sending you to a new home and if you're lucky enough some kid will love just as much as Gianna."

The other bunnies started laughing.

Oh, shut up you guys....

If you'd like to order a bunny, click on the picture above  - thank you!

 

Like Sailors....

Besides sarcasm, our family is first in line to perfect the art of cussing. I can remember uttering the word 'fuck' for the first time. After that initial shock of, 'Whoa, Mom didn't hear that!' I proceded to try them all and learned a few new ones at the school yard. The level of profanity on the school yard was only excelled by the level of depraved stories we told each other before we called, "Bullshit!" Ah, Catholic school....

Anyway, I was reminded of this skill when my son, Pottymouth, declared that his chores sucked ass. I agreed, chores do suck but we do them or else we'd be on a guest episode of Hoarders and I really don't have time for that. We giggled when (yeah,yeah, bad mommy) he said 'ass' but that kid has a gift for putting in the right sentence and making it funny. It's probably not the best thing to teach him, but I've done just about everything in my power short of sewing his mouth shut to get him to stop. Currently, my plan is to get him to use it in the right moment. If nothing else, he won't sound like a total moron and maybe he'll be on Comedy Central someday.

I remember not too long ago when my two oldest were 7 and 4, riding bikes outside my sisters' house one fine family Thanksgiving. They were screaming, laughing and having a great old time, when I actually stopped to listen to what they were yelling.

"Cocksucker! Cocksucker!"

I ran out there, asked them to stop, that word is not polite and, more importantly, where did you learn it?

Their innocent voices answered. "Grandma."

They still think this is funny. They love hanging out with Grandma - she curses up a storm and the children find this hysterical.

Now, my niece Gianna, when she was three was hanging with me because my sister had some stuff to do and it was nice to have some girl power in the house. The kids were all hanging out in their room and Pottymouth came out with a half of a Christmas ornament and a smirk.

"I told Gianna not to eat the ornament and that I was gonna tell on her. She called me a douchebag."

I panicked, pulled the rest of the glass ornament from her mouth, however most of it was on the carpet.

She discovered it wasn't that tasty, but the glitter made her lips look pretty.

Douchbag was the favorite word at that time. And after that episode we decided to refrain from using it because when Gianna starts kindergarten we didn't want her calling her classmates that. We'd at least wait until she could spell it first.

Ah...yes, the satisfaction of a new creepy family  - I love nothing more than painting a surly teenager who is mortally embarrassed by her family..or a child that crop dusts his family (that would be farting and running to you - stop feeding that kid beans!).
I'm doing a lot of this work so I can pay for my son's braces. Unfortunately, he was born with his mother's teeth. I was fortunate enough that after enough cringing from strangers, my mother chose to get me braces. I want to do the same for him. If you'd like a portrait, contact me via email, phone or bat....

My Morning - Boy Smell & the Coffee Crisis

Rolled out of bed, scurried to the kitchen, briefly gagged at the boy funkitude emitting from my oldest son's room - only to discover that there was no coffee made!
Does my Beefsteak have a death wish? I wonder, then feel guilty because my poor hubby has to go in early. Searched the cabinets - woohoo! Instant espresso!
Properly caffeinated, I get ready - vaguely wondering of those are old chick spots on my hands and maybe I need to get my eyes checked. I sprint through the house plaguing my children with the light switch and a "Get up! Brush Your Teeth!"
Grumbling, smelly beings crawl from their rooms and beat each other senseless over who get the bathroom first. Type A, Pottymouth and Dramaqueen argue about toothbrush usage and who the hell hid the toilet paper?!?  I walk blissfully by because I have to go wake the Baby Beefy. He is a cute little fart and a total cock blocker. This is what happens when you let the baby sleep with you. He used to smell like baby, now he's starting to smell like the rest of those midgets who live with me. As I convince him he needs to get up, I then remember the name of the baby mama from a conversation from three days ago at work. Bridgett Monahan!
I load the monsters in the van and proceed to drop everyone off - three separate stops! Of course Type A is
laughing at Pottymouth (whose mouth is off and running with colorful language! Fucking A!) and Dramaqueen is busy dancing like a mad person in the back seat to that hooker nut job, Britney Spears. Beefy screams as his BBq chip hook-up, Pottymouth has exited the car and left him high and dry.
Baby Beefy being last - I get flipped off by a school bus driver. Yeah, you want me to run over those kids in the cross walk? Who pissed in your cheerios this morning? If you don't like the big bus, get the small one, jerk face.
I race to work while trying to talk to my hubby and then race to the time clock. Only to discover this little fucker needs to be warmed up to clock in. No joke. It doesn't like our Tea Fairy's time card at all. I told the maintenance guy to knit it a sweater so we could clock in on time. After only three tries today, it spits my card out like 90 year old cigarette smoker.
Whew...