Hootenanny

It's funny how one word will draw itself in my head.....you also see it at StagiWorks

Oh Nurse! What the -

My sister Violet inspired this piece, it's one of favorites. I always pictured the extreme glee she must take in giving obnoxious children shots. Blithely ignorant of her blood-spattered smock, she gives them leeches or vile-smelling brew made with some rodent part as a cure for something as minor as a splinter.

I know for a fact her job is not this exciting, but I like to use my imagination.

Come see this work and others at our shop: StagiWorks

Wedded Bliss

I was standing there in the little chapel, it was burning hot, my sunburn was killing me, the kids were quiet and my poor fiancé is there next to me and we're trying hard not to laugh - the ministers' nose had a booger flying in and out as he spoke. My poor fiancé was severely hung over, thanks to his friends, Gerry, Mo and Martin (love you fuckers!), samsonites hanging from under his eyes. I was thinking, "Holy shit he's actually doing it! He picked me!"
We went with a Hawaiian shirt theme because Ronnie wanted to get married in shorts.
His mother cried the whole time.
Then we were married, boogers and all.
The rest of the weekend went great, then the day we left, Ronnie was off with his buddies, I was with my evil little fiends. We were walking along the main drag, I stopped to look at a menu in front of some grand hotel that had a huge rock feature in the front. A woman walking behind me said, "What's that little boy doing?"
Oh shit.
I look and Marc (six at the time) was standing on the top of the rock feature, pants down, facing traffic, pissing on the water. More than a few people were giggling. I hauled him off there and explained the rules of urinating outside.
Our house may never be clean, the laundry never done and there's always some crazy boy funk. Glad you love it honey! Happy 4th anniversary honey!

Blow it out your spot

Spent a wonderful weekend with my kids, my mother as the husband went galavanting around with 

his man-friends in Vegas. I was so exhausted. My mom is hilarious and up for almost anything. I can only hope to be that fun when I get older. 

Of course there is some residual tiredness from dealing with the fiends for four days by myself. I woke up today just a little cranky and some teenager decided to give me attitude this morning. 

The older I get, the more I don't give a damn. I don't care that you didn't have clean clothes to wear, you are going to school! You do your own laundry for crying out loud! 

What? You want five bucks to go hang with your friends? Does it say ATM on my forehead?

Dinner? Are you serious?! 

Please lord, bless me with the patience to survive the teens!!! 

A couple of more twisted nursery rhymes....

Goldilocks and the Three Hairs

She should have chosen truth,

instead of dare.

Now all she has left

is three hairs.

Lesson: Don't play with matches.

Mary had a little Sam

Only his face would show

Everywhere Mary went,

her twin was sure to go.

This one I couldn't get the image out of my head. I'm glad I did. Now you can have it.

King of Changovia

My husband thinks he's the king. He refers to our house as Changovia (his nickname is Chango) and I am his queen. The three older boys are the Jesters and the Prince of Changovia is two. The kingdom was quiet and somewhat serene, as much as it could be with so many jesters and their cohorts trampling through the castle, when the universe came along and said,
 "Fuck it, you're IT!"
Several things are happening at a rapid pace - the prince is starting to realize his evil toddler power with the word "MINE!" It he can reach it, grab it, eat it or break it, it's his!!!!
MWUAHAHAHAA....
The head jester, Type A is worried about graduating 8th grade - "OMG Mom, I have all A's and one D!!! Will they let me graduate?"
I roll my royal eyes. "Don't sweat it. You're fine."
My dainty 8 year old jester is just concerned about what outfit he will wear for the day and who gives a damn about division? "Does this make me look fat?"
"No, it's fine." His day-glow yellow shoes make me cringe, but he loves them.
Pottymouth is a hot royal mess right now. The universe went and started puberty (wtf! I wasn't ready!), therefore the King and Queen of Changovia are having to do the royal smack down more often than usual. Then this ugly, ugly little wart of problem popped up.
My ex-husband.
If I had a dragon, I'd totally sick it on this moron. The bottom line is he's not involved. Occassionally during his criminal enterprises he remembers he has kids and calls them. There are several layers of suckitude about the situation and for the most part, Pottymouth is the one affected the most emotionally by it all. We nurse him through his down times and let him know we love him. Puberty is not helping - but we are all sucking it up and dealing.
The King of Changovia and I decided to deal with the situation the best we know how and are moving forward in that direction for the best interests of the kids. I am astounded and grateful the King of Changovia just accepts the Jesters as his own and has no qualms about hugging them and telling them, "Hell no you can't have Rock Star at 9pm! It's a school night."

I woke up at 5 this morning after a particularly odd dream in which a friend and I went to a flea market and I made him buy me a red coin purse. It had a silver coin with Robert Kennedy on it hidden in the lining. Then we realized we were on break from work, we were really late and his three year old was driving us back.
I have no idea what the hell that means.
However, I did notice everyone was out cold at that hour and I had the house to myself!
Off to my desk with ample supply of coffee and music, I continued my foray into fucking up nursery rhymes. I am currently on the search to do one that will take two to five pages, but I haven't found any that have really have taken a stab at my twisted soul. I've begun work on two other pieces which I hope everyone will find fun and amusingly creepy....should you see a nursery rhyme or myth or have a fun little antedote in which there is some dismembering or maiming, please feel free to write me....